How is your relationship doing? Do you feel heard, loved? Do you spend time together and listen… that is really listen to each other?
Are you giving time to your relationship? It’s like having a bank account, or more like a love account… you each need to put something in, and that something is time – your time together.
Do you cherish your time together or are you thinking about your needs?
When difficult times come… and they will, if you have built up reserves in your emotional love account, you can easily forgive a misspoken comment, or what you perceive as a slight from your partner, because you know who this person really is. However, if this reserve doesn’t exist or has very little in it, the smallest thing can become a big event. Why? Because you have not spent the time together, really valuing each other to truly know and understand the other person’s heart.
Have you ever experienced feeling like you really didn’t know your partner? They were unwilling or perhaps incapable of sharing their real self. This is a very difficult situation. You really want to know this other person, you love them, yet there is not a lot coming back towards you. It’s lonely.
Unfortunately, I have experienced such a relationship. It’s like living separate lives together… and that doesn’t really work. You keep trying to connect and something is just missing. That something is the willingness on your partner’s part to share their true self.
It’s possible they really don’t know who they are, or that they don’t want you to know who they really are.
It’s a relationship with no growth. This partner may be a great financial provider, a work-a-holic who provides for the family, yet spends very little time with their partner and children. This seems on the surface like they are doing their part, but really there is a disconnect between what they want to do (i.e. work is the escape) and truly being present for the relationship and family.
You can try connecting, you can try therapy, but in the end, if someone is not willing to share their true self the relationship is going nowhere, and your future is not solid.
How beautiful it is to be with someone who is really present to the relationship, who values and cherishes your time together.
May you be truly blessed this holiday season.